Exile by Sarah Bourne

Author:Sarah Bourne [Bourne, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloodhound Books
Published: 2022-03-22T16:00:00+00:00

Time and time again I had to pull myself away from my imaginings and force the words onto the page, pressing harder and harder until the paper tore and I threw the pen across the room.

I didn’t dare go to bed, where I knew my fantasies would run riot, so I stayed at the table and drank whisky.

I must have fallen into a drunken sleep, because I woke, still in the kitchen chair, stiff, sore and hung-over. Out the window, a flock of terns wheeled and banked in the sky. Running my hand through my hair, I thought about getting it cut next time I was in Lerwick visiting Ishbel. I splashed cold water on my face and stood in my doorway breathing in the tranquillity of my view.

It was only as I ate my porridge that I realised I wasn’t thinking about the man on the ferry. Tears of relief washed my cheeks, and I laughed as I danced round the kitchen, enjoying even the thudding headache accompanying every step.

A little later, with a Berocca and a cup of tea beside me, I read what I had written in my journal the night before. I had written it out of a desperate longing but now, in the clear light of day, I realised I had been right: I was loved here, in a normal, uncomplicated way, and I loved Ishbel and Duncan in return. It was a great comfort but was it enough?

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